Spirit's Roleplay Training

Subject: Spirit's Roleplay Training Tue Sep 25, 2012 6:04 pm

Only the mentor (Aaron), his apprentice (Spirit), and any other dominant (Tyla) may post here. If you post here without permission from me, I will delete the post, then to determine what to do with you. Also, please do not steal any of the information/material/written language posted upon this forum because I typed it on my time. If you were to just copy and paste in less than five minutes, (as it took me a lot longer to type this) I would be extremely offended. If you are a teacher on TGP as well and can't think of an idea for your roleplay training, feel free to use anything from here WITH my permission.

Stadium

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An area in the Sahara Desert with lots of dunes. The blazing heat and grainy sand combination makes concentration difficult. Legend of a mirage of beautiful water is spread by wolves throughout the land. Some have ventured to find it but all have been lost; never to be seen again.

Progress Report

Key
Achieved: ▲
Almost Achieved: ►
Not Achieved: ▼

Grammar ~ 0/100% ▼
Capital and Lowercase ~ 0/100% ▼
Common Sense ~ 0/100% ▼
Description ~ 30/100% ▼
General Roleplaying ~ 0/100% ▼
Roleplaying Strategies ~ 0/100% ▼

I (Aaron) will track Spirit's progress along the rocky road of training. Every mistake will be tracked as well as every flaw. ▼ means Spirit has completed 0%-49% of the topic. ► means Spirit has completed 50%-99% of the topic. ▲ means Spirit has completed 100% of the topic. The percentages will be taken/given at random. It is my (Aaron's) choice whether or not Spirit has made enough progress to improve a percentage.

Spirit shall begin by posting a roleplay message.

Subject: Re: Spirit's Roleplay Training Tue Sep 25, 2012 6:54 pm

Squinting her golden eyes from the harsh mid-afternoon desert sunlight, Spirit trudged her way through the boiling sand that seemed to go on forever and was never to end. Only two things were going through her mind- finding the mirage lake, which was said to be beautiful, and full of pure, delicious tasting water, and not getting lost in the sea of dry sand and large dunes that all looked the same to her. Though, everything seemed the same.
"Maybe this wasn't a good idea," she said to herself in a quiet tone, the doubt of ever discovering the lake started to seep into her thoughts, "how crazy is it to be searching for an old tale about a lake in the middle of a desert that is full of dull, paw irritating sand..." Spirit stopped, realizing the sand was already making her paw pads sore, even if her journey hadn't been long. Actually, she didn't even know how long she had been out wandering about.
"Great..." she let out a huge sigh, "I'm lost, my paw pads are sore, and this deathly hot sun is killing me... Best part is, I’m alone, probably never to be found..." another sigh of sadness washed upon her, she was going to perish in the middle of desert, alone...
No, no she wasn't, she had to continue on, she couldn't stop now. Spirit had come with a goal and she was going to complete it. Whither it killed her or not.
Lifting herself onto her paws, she set off again threw the desert, with the courage of finding the mirage lake full of pure water.

Subject: Re: Spirit's Roleplay Training Tue Sep 25, 2012 7:25 pm

((I found a few mistakes in your post. First of all, you said 'mirage lake'. The definition of mirage itself is 'a desert lake' so your basically saying a 'lake lake'. If I were you, I'd stick with either 'mirage' or 'lake'. Secondly, I think 'paw irritating sand' should be hyphenated (i.e paw-irritating) since the way you said it, you meant for it to be of the same whole. Finally, there is an effective style of posting called Thought-Feeling-Reaction that grants three paragraphs and a basic structure. Here's an example:))

Aaron

A short, heated breeze drifted through the valley. Small, brave trees protruded from the blazing ground, trying to reach the sun. Often, Aaron wondered how high a tree could actually grow. What if one of these desert-trees were to actually reach the sun? Would they feel complete? Or would they just die, respawn, and start their infinite life over again? Often, Aaron wondered if trees had feelings which had never been discovered. Maybe the soft heartwood protected by a thin layer of bark contained a soul and a brain, and maybe each time a tree was cut down it felt it. He imagined the constant peril the tree might feel around other creatures that lusted for its vegetation. Aaron swung his paw lightly against the fragile stump of one of the trees and immediately felt sympathy. Sometimes his own life seemed like a tree, in a way. He would loose, try again, loose, try again; it always continued like that. His muzzle was at a tie between a smile and a frown, and Aaron continued through the sandy graveyard. Glancing up at the magenta sun coated by dunes, Aaron realized something else. There was another wolf far, far in the distance. An explosion of relief and excitement ignited within Aaron's sooty chest and he felt his paws ache to run. The sparky feeling fed more and more, and suddenly he couldn't take it -- he took off.

Gritty flakes of blended sand shot around his paws as they painted prints in the ground. His vision was a haze; in the midst of his excitement he had forgotten which direction he was going and all about any sanity he had ever owned. All Aaron knew was to search for the mysterious wolf, and once he found them he would decide on what to do next. He glanced back up at the sun and over the mountainous dunes. There it was, placed atop the distance like a figure on a wedding cake. It was a perfect picture, and Aaron's eyes were widened with restlessness. He lifted his shoulders again and resumed his run. Desert sunlight seeped into his skin and threatened to capsize him, but Aaron was able to bypass the feeling. He was growing closer and closer by the minute, and Aaron knew he was only seconds away from his destination....

....And he stopped again. He was very close to the wolf now; just at the bottom of the dune it was standing on. Aaron was close enough now to tell that the other was female. She had alabaster fur and kind eyes. A little smile crossed Aaron's face; perhaps he had just found an exploration-buddy. He trotted up the mound a little further, paws sinking into the heaping mass of sand each step, and then paused one last time. Aaron was so remarkably close now, or so it seemed compared to the distance he had been just minutes ago, that he just had to say something. Prying open his dried jaw, the word, "Hello!" fluttered out in a flurry of enthusiasm. Aaron had never been pleasantry-savvy, but did he really need to be? The male's personality was based off of the spawn of something spontaneous and something deep, leaving no room for thought. That smile lay plastered on Aaron's jaw, stretching from eye-to-eye and showing just a few white teeth.

((Notice how I used only one word of dialogue, yet you could perfectly understand everything else that was going on. Speech is not needed to express feeling. I spent two whole paragraphs talking simply about what he felt, and one of them was discussing just a metaphor. While writing this, my best friends were adjectives. I used almost two per sentence, or otherwise as often as possible. I may have digressed a little on the matter of style I mentioned earlier, but I am satisfied with my outcome other than that.))

Subject: Re: Spirit's Roleplay Training Sat Sep 29, 2012 11:39 am

● ѕριяιт ●

The sun's blazing heat was getting worse every second, making her re-think the idea of her adventure to find the lake and being alone doing so, over and over again; it was like an endless tug-o-war game; one thought pulled this way, and the other thought pulled the other way- she should continue and hope for the best or she should turn around right now, forgetting about her journey of finding the mirage. And, she was lonely, scared even, the desert wasn't any place to be alone in, what was she thinking?

A low whimpering wine escaped from her jaw, she was confused, lost, and her emotions were in a flurry of fighting to gain control of herself, to keep her sane. Spirit couldn’t even tell what she was feeling, all her feelings were in a jumbled up mess that made no sense to her. Nothing did. Not even herself made sense. She was going crazy, insane maybe? The female was even imagining the scent of another wolf nearby, not to far from where her tired paws were standing.
Maybe, just maybe it was real? Was she not alone?

Then, came the voice, the enthusiastic voice that sounded like a "Hello!". Glancing around like a lost pup she spotted a black figure. Its body was blurry to her, it seemed nothing more like something that her mind was making up, but the scent was too real to think it was fake. The scent, it was familiar, did she know this wolf? Spirit couldn't tell for nothing still made sense to her.
"Hello?" she let the words escape out of her maw, hoping the other would hear her response. Possibly this other could be new pal, or maybe it was nothing at all.

(Oh, Aaron, your desription said "Legend of a mirage lakeof beautiful water is spread by wolves throughout the land." so that is why I put 'mirage lake' there... Sorry for pointing it out I just wanted to let you know.)

Subject: Re: Spirit's Roleplay Training Fri Dec 07, 2012 5:54 pm

Aaron

One thousand lanterns illuminated in the back of Aaron's cluttered mind as he examined the she-wolf in front of him. She had silvery-white, porcelain fur that covered her everywhere. Her paws, underbelly, and even tail. Her eyes gave off a luminescent, low-opacity, bluish glow. She was the mirage of the dessert. His chest pulsated as he thought of what to say next. Aaron's mind was piling up phrases, words, and possibilities. But he knew that he needed to speak. "Hello," he repeated reluctantly, "Absolutely honoured to meet you!" Still in awe of what stood before him, he shot his glance down to the sand. He always wondered about the grainy floor. It seemed to tell a message; a story of it's own. The horizontal folds reminded Aaron of his inability to get others to do what he needed them to do. Nobody could take a wolf with a rainbow-coloured muzzle seriously. And no wolf named Aaron could get angry about that. The folds also reminded him of his touchy personality. How he couldn't talk to others that he needed to create a point with. Aaron needed help, and that would only come through a second Dean. But he wasn't sure he could trust anyone to dot that particular job. What built a Dean? was the other revolving question in his mind. Aaron sighed. There was a reason he had gone so far from Canada. And that reason was to get away from the story of his life. He couldn't stand the haunting, abominating image of his father. His father that had so brutally abused him and forced him to get way, somehow. So he had. He still remembered that childish rush when he was told to leave. How everything flashed before him, tears and memories. Those memories were useless though. He was now a new wolf. No longer young. No longer an adolescent. But an adult. A full-grown adult wolf. He could be what he wanted; do what he wanted. But he just couldn't get his father to leave permanently. Or his sister. His sister had been outcast as well. Aaron couldn't remember anything about her her. The male forced the bitterness out of him. He needed to stop before he antagonized the world. He blinked his eyes and sighed once more. Everything was meant to be broken, and he couldn't preserve anything for too long. Eventually, he'd be able to overcome his past. And this wolf in front of him... maybe she'd become a true friend.

"My name is Aaron," he slurred, overwhelmed with his mental pictures. He didn't care about what kind of first impression he created. Aaron wanted the world to see him for who he was, even if they didn't understand what he was doing. Having soot black paws, a midnight coat, and an ebony everything else built a bad preview itself. And with a topping of awkward markings, Aaron looked like a mess. But again, he didn't care. He wasn't normal, and he accepted it. A breeze of sand ruffled Aaron's fur, playing with his ears and threatening his golden eyes. He looked up at the sky, ghastly clouds refusing to reveal their contents. They floated above the sun, completely the perfect midday image. He took in each detail of the landscape. It was mostly flat with a tree or to here and there. This wasn't his home. We wanted more. More detail, more greenery. He wanted to go home. But could he, being so close to his family's grounds?

((Good job; you are definitely improving. But how you said 'let the words escape form her maw... it's descriptive, but I don't like it. Maybe after that, you could add even more descriptions. For example, some of my favourites are 'he murmured' [or said quietly], 'he slurred' [or said in a nervous manner], and 'he exclaimed' [or said excitedly... this one's elementary though]. Anyway, good job. I can't wait until your next post. You don't have to make them long... just what you consider high-quality. I don't care. I just like to make my posts long <:))

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